Look at others and just look at you

Let’s be honest.. we have heard this line as kids and we repeat this statement to our kids. Surprisingly we don’t see anything wrong in it. But this harmless statement is lethal. For some parents comparing is motivation. They show their child what they are missing by pointing out the good in others. Comparing a child is never a good idea. By doing so we are belittling the child forcing them to believe that they are not good enough.

We as adults, often say to others that “every person is special and is unique in terms of skills, abilities, interests, hobbies, strengths, weaknesses”. But what happens when it comes to our own child? Our expectations forces us to measure eggs in kilograms; obviously it does not make sense.

Comparing can lead to the downfall of the child. They get caged by your words of comparison and start thinking less of themselves. Comparing can lead to :

Frustration – as a parent, frustration is the first thing you invite when you compare your child. All teens can’t be equally good in class or athletic, or any other standard of sensibility that you’ve set. You need to go easy on them and keep your expectations realistic, otherwise you’ll simply find yourself disappointed day and night.

Stress - According to a study, children who are compared develop severe mental disorders and these disorders follow them in their later life. Now you really don’t want your child to develop stress, anxiety, depression or other mental illness.

Negative outlook - Children value what we, as a parent tell them and so our words should be carefully selected. Telling them on and on that other kids are better will only make your child feel inferior.

Comparison creates a feeling of jealousy and this will affect the outlook of your child. Not only this, it affects relationship with your kid as well. They will withdraw them self and force themselves in isolation. It will hard for them to open up to you.

Lower Self-esteem - When kids are judged by those very people who are suppose to support and protect them, they automatically start asking themselves what is really wrong with them and why they can’t be like their others. These feelings start take affecting their self-esteem. Lower self-esteem means lower level of motivation and confidence. All this happens just because of your judgments and comparisons, even if you are doing this for constructive purposes.

As a parents should find out the strengths and positive points of each of their kids instead of looking at things that are missing in them. Write down their strengths and find relevant activities for them. There is a quotation

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

You cannot stop the world from comparing your child with others, but you can certainly stop this behaviour. Comparison makes things worse. Accept you kid for who they are instead of what they should be like. Setting goals for your chid is okay, but appreciating and nurturing the individuality of kid is just as important. So look for the good things in your child and praise them often.